10 biggest boosts for your love relationship is for you …
Whether you’ve just returned from a perfect romance and love-filled honeymoon and you’re suffering with post-party blues, or if your marriage is buried under years of too much drudgery and responsibility (babies, teens, family and work angst), don’t fret, there’s always something you can do to help.
Most of us think (from all the media hype and romantic entertainment) that once you’re in love your relationship is set and you can get on with life. But marriage, or any love relationships have to be constantly fed and nurtured. It should be a labor of love and not a duty. Here are some suggestions and food for thought:
Relax, Recharge, Replay, Re-enact, Reconnect, Repeat!
We all need some down time, alone and together. Try some of these ideas immediately, or plan a little in advance:
On your own:
1) Take time out of a busy day, to relax with a cup of coffee away from your desk. Take lunch in a fresh new environment, or lay down in your car for 30 minutes of R&R. Just make sure you set the alarm clock!
2) Whether you’re a man or woman, a short (or long) visit to a spa for a massage, facial or any rejuvenating self time will do wonders for you.
3) Go away for overnight, even if it’s to a local hotel, to catch up on much needed rest and true relaxing self-soothing or recharging time. Women, especially put themselves last on the to-care-for and to-do list. No one will drift down from the heavens and wave a magic wand for you, but you can plan a little ahead, (get a baby sitter, or friend to reciprocate the favor), organize to cook a double amount of chilli or easy dinner, half of which you can freeze for your special day-away. Then write down a list so you and the family or other dependents will feel in charge, and then go away, turn the cell phone off for an agreed amount of time and don’t waver! This will make you even more appreciated, and will give you time to re-center.
4) Make a list of those hobbies or special occasion activities you used to enjoy and no longer have the time, energy or money to experience. Choose one or two of these examples, which you might enjoy for even a short time.
- A long soak in a bubble bath,
- Playing a musical instrument, or listening to music
- Walk /hike through a special park or lakeside with a camera,
- Visit a local art gallery or other specialty class
– like knitting, pottery, beading, yoga, mechanics, cooking, etc.
- trying new kinds of international cuisine (with friends, if your spouse isn’t into it)
Of course, it’s just as important to encourage your spouse to revisit and enjoy his/her own hobbies which will recharge them. My husband loves to tinker around with his classic car in the garage at least a couple of hours on a weekend. It makes me happy to see him happy, after his long country drive in his car.
5) Take an hour from your week and visit an old friend or relative, or volunteer at a local hospital or shelter (people or animals). In addition to helping others, this may will remind you to appreciate health, nature, and the gift of giving to yourself.
With your partner/loved one:
In addition to the above, you need to work at your relationship, to keep it alive, healthy and delicious. Start with these and then create your own:
6) When’s the last time you went on a proper date with each other? A real, romantic, ‘staring into each other’s eyes, and stealing a kiss or two over a dining table’ kind of date? The only rules are that you don’t talk about the mundane – even if important or necessary to discuss – minutia that makes up our lives and bonds. Make a date, arrange everything you need to, talk about what you need to discuss before the date, and then pretend you’re going out with your lover (because they are your lover, after all!) and talk, listen and enjoy each other’s company for the few hours you have eked out of your week. Studies have shown that couples who do this on a regular basis (ideally once a week), have stronger, warmer marriages. And families benefit from witnessing the commitment and closeness of the parents. Women may enjoy this more, but husbands need to make the effort to wine and dine their spouses, and take the opportunity to reconnect about themselves and each other, which may not be possible around the dining table on those family dinner nights.
7) Have a spa session together, even if it’s a 45 minute massage in a zen peaceful room with you silently lying together on the massage beds side by side. Miracles happen with such a small (preplanned) ‘date’. Even if your love life doesn’t re-spark immediately it will go a heck of a long way towards it.
8) In addition to those activities you may have tried on your own, it’s a wonderful opportunity to share time together, relaxing, dancing and reconnecting with each other. Whether it’s dancing, pottery, painting, golf, visiting classic car shows, or one of a kind exhibitions, yoga or any exercise, discuss what you’ve missed or always wanted to try. You may be surprised to discover new things about yourselves and each other.
9) Do something new and fresh; this doesn’t need to cost much, if at all. For example, drive to see the beautiful nature’s art at its finest in your nearest park, or better still, take a scenic route an hour or two away from the city. Here in Ontario, Canada where I live, right now it’s absolutely gorgeous with the vibrant reds, yellows, russets and golds of autumn trees. As an artist I’m inspired by these, but as a wife and partner, I know it’s important to savor and look at our world through rose-tinted spectacles, at least some of the time. Even an hour away, walking, holding hands, and breathing in the fresh air, together really recharges and invigorates us. It may well segue into a romantic date, which may end on a sensuous note in bed.
10) Romancing the Good Habits: Most marriages suffer from the peaks and troughs in both emotional and physical love. Although this imbalance may be caused by stress, illness or other major factors, couples can stall the corrosive process from becoming worse. Whether you’ve been married for a year or two, or forty, bad or unhealthy habits get ingrained into any relationships. Resurrecting an infrequent or dormant sex life is quite possible through commitment to communicate, make time for each other and plan ahead. Unless you’re both happy to have a platonic marriage, then make the effort to make time to talk, reconnect and get back into the habit of hugging, touching, relaxing together, even for a few minutes a day. Don’t let life steal romance or lovemaking away from you. The intimacy of sex can add years to the longevity of your life as well as your relationship. Start right now, first thing in the morning, with a quick connection of a kiss or a hug, no matter how crazy busy your lives are.
Remind yourselves and each other about how you felt about one another when you first fell in love. Plan ahead and prioritize your love and each other.
Relax, Recharge, Replay, Re-enact, Reconnect, Repeat!
Nothing breeds romance like love and romance! Enjoy!
What are some of your own favorites? Share them here, I’d love to hear them.
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